ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
