i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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