is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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