I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
