Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
