oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
