I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize