soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
