She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
