she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
