please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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