why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
