yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
