The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
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Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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