how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
