It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
