guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
