I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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