i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
