If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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