and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
