Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
