Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
