She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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