TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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