ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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