Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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