You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
