it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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