I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
