I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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