Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
