don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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