matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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