did you get engaged???
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
