you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
