I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
