there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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