Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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