Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
