the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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