i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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