If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
