Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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