I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
