T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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