my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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