The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get