I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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