Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

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  (208): i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy. http://tfl.nu/3jyj
  Replies (22) Good night (1625) Bad night (669)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.

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  (212): I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland. http://tfl.nu/ca0n
  Replies (71) Good night (29811) Bad night (1550)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.

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  (303): I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number. http://tfl.nu/465z
  Replies (31) Good night (15774) Bad night (981)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters

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  (918): There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters http://tfl.nu/8485
  Replies (83) Good night (11483) Bad night (2033)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."

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  (978): as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..." http://tfl.nu/w3wh
  Replies (17) Good night (6010) Bad night (1529)
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  (619): View more from California

  he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house

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  (619): he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house http://tfl.nu/t2gc
  Replies (3) Good night (3315) Bad night (809)
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  (213): View more from California

  dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.

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  (213): dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring. http://tfl.nu/vd81
  Replies (14) Good night (4498) Bad night (1312)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.

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  (980): My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less. http://tfl.nu/l7sw
  Replies (11) Good night (2761) Bad night (993)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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  (913): Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. http://tfl.nu/f12g
  Replies (1) Good night (2184) Bad night (715)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.

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  (570): They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them. http://tfl.nu/mod4
  Replies (2) Good night (1659) Bad night (597)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week

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  (208): i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week http://tfl.nu/49ff
  Replies (1) Good night (1205) Bad night (401)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.

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  (303): Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place. http://tfl.nu/duki
  Replies (8) Good night (424) Bad night (1169)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore

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  (502): Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore http://tfl.nu/xuyl
  Replies (9) Good night (1297) Bad night (520)
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  (516): View more from New York

  and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me

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  (516): and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me http://tfl.nu/kvyu
  Replies (0) Good night (456) Bad night (246)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while

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  (519): I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while http://tfl.nu/0rg5
  Replies (4) Good night (538) Bad night (283)

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