i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
After tacos, we're chasing women.