When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today