Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.

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  (703): Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea. http://tfl.nu/zyyz
  Replies (17) Good night (851) Bad night (3274)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work

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  (+44): He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work http://tfl.nu/peex
  Replies (3) Good night (987) Bad night (3253)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.

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  (720): I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like. http://tfl.nu/6yf0
  Replies (5) Good night (1582) Bad night (1099)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It's inspiring.

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  (910): All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day... (910): It's inspiring. http://tfl.nu/vfb2
  Replies (13) Good night (3413) Bad night (1279)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice

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  (336): If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice http://tfl.nu/pivk
  Replies (8) Good night (3627) Bad night (724)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

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  (863): I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen. http://tfl.nu/kind
  Replies (8) Good night (1977) Bad night (959)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?

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  (478): First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing? http://tfl.nu/cqnb
  Replies (1) Good night (1467) Bad night (834)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Her only article of clothing is an American Flag

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  (613): Her only article of clothing is an American Flag http://tfl.nu/tlj8
  Replies (6) Good night (1902) Bad night (427)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.

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  (913): He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me. http://tfl.nu/52qd
  Replies (3) Good night (698) Bad night (1478)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me

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  (336): Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me http://tfl.nu/v2u1
  Replies (10) Good night (950) Bad night (404)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"

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  (780): I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future" http://tfl.nu/8p29
  Replies (7) Good night (1001) Bad night (308)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?

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  (336): Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up? http://tfl.nu/j9qb
  Replies (4) Good night (739) Bad night (329)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.

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  (204): Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that. http://tfl.nu/ii5o
  Replies (0) Good night (330) Bad night (308)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.

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  (915): Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas. http://tfl.nu/6zv2
  Replies (6) Good night (506) Bad night (282)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.

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  (317): Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/72j5
  Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (224)

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