Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
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Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work