My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
are you so shy because you have an std?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
NoShamevember. You game?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
