Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
