I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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