i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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