I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
did i just pee glitter
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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