even my farts smell like vagina
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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