i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
