Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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