Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
