why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
