Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
