Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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