this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
