I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
