shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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