dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
