i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
