don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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