butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
