My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
