His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
