my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize