Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
