I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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