There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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