I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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