Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
