can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
