he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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