I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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