East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
