I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
