If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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