butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
