My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
