For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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