That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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