so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
