go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
